HOTNESS Hall of Fame: "Hey there, sailor!"

This edition of the HOTNESS Hall of Fame is dedicated to instances of killer lemons between strangers.

In certain Twific scenarios, the essential element of HOTNESS is that initial spark between Edward and Bella. That electricity that pulls them towards one another. That hungry attraction that inspires a primal need. This is often best evidenced in stories where Bella and Edward are strangers who cannot resist each other. I call these, "Hey there, sailor!" lemons and they are basically straight up ridiculous hotness between strangers.

After the jump, I break down the "Hey there, sailor!" hotness of Last Tango in Forks, Reality Minus Expectations, and Breaking Trinity. Enjoy!

HOTNESS Hall of Fame: I Shouldn't Find This So Hot

This edition of the HOTNESS Hall of Fame is dedicated to those lemons that make me feel dirty. 

I thought of this category after reading Wide Awake by AngstGoddess003. I felt strange for being so turned on by the epic angry lemon in Chapter 43. You know, the one that creates the fallout angst that drives Edward and Bella apart. I'm reading this lemon thinking, I should NOT be finding this so ridiculously hot: Edward is hallucinating for godsakes and Bella is channeling her captor Phil. But fuck me. It's one of the hottest (and saddest) lemons out there.

Part of it has got to be the forbidden nature of how I'm definitely not supposed to find hotness within two people's mental breakdowns. But there is also the emotional intensity and tumult that is driven by the characters' confusion. These characters are losing control and channeling the emotional into the physical. HOT-NESS.

Today I will be highlighting two other lemons of the "I shouldn't find this so hot" variety. The first one showcases the crazy intensity and possessiveness of the Bella and Edward of teambella23's Closer. The second example is an excerpt from Savage's Hide and Drink where Edward loses control and almost kills Bella in his frenzy (which I feel entirely dirty for finding so hot).

HOTNESS Hall of Fame: MUSIC in fic

I love music. I love music in fic. In every way that it pops up: sometimes referenced by the author in playlists/youtube links, having characters that incorporate music into their world, and especially, the use of music to heighten the hotness.

I'm gearing up to host the 4th episode of our Fic Pushin Podcast which will delve into the wonderful world of music in fanfic.

As I prepare, I feel it is necessary to revisit those moments in fanfic when the use of music took a scene from hotness to obscene fuckhotness. This week's HOTNESS Hall of Fame will pay tribute to the use of music for the purpose of fuckhot lemony trajectory. I think we should just jump right into the list...

HOTNESS Hall of Fame: Show Me

Poor canon Edward. Trying SO hard not to murder Bella.  Clinging to any semblance of self control, hoping that lust doesn't cause him to give-in to the hotness of the moment. This week's HOTNESS Hall of Fame is dedicated to these instances in Vamp AU fic, these moments of straight up fuckhotness, when Edward walks into a situation where his desire for Bella overwhelms his usual hold on his inner gentleman.

And if that loss of control weren't hot enough, several of this week's selections involve a dirty talking Edward whose desperation seems to have driven him OOC. Hey, I get it. There's no way I'd be able to repress my inner desires for as long as Edward has. I'd break out of character too if I had a chance to sneak a taste of what's in front of me. In today's selection of Show Me fic, our dear Edward gets creative in his attempts to get a little sumthin without killing his beloved. 

One oneshot in this Show Me vein of hotness is Surprises by KatieBelleCullen. I nominated this puppy for hottest dirty talk for the Golden Lemon Awards. 

The Edward of Bella's fantasy sets a pretty high bar of commanding, dirty talking hotness. Bella is, uh, fantasizing, and opens her eyes to find that Edward is sitting there watching her. Will he respond and step out of the shell of Gentleman Vampire? Can he bring the dirty dirty hotness that Bella dreams about? Spoiler Alert: Yes, yes he most certainly can and does. Oh Edward, why so fucking hot? well written, hot, quick, and dirty GO READ THIS IMMEDIATELY

Surprises by KatieBelleCullen 

Edward surprises Bella after a rather personal and intimate moment. But the real surprise is his reaction. My entry for the Dirty Talking Edward Contest. Rated M for a reason.

On the Fic Pushin Podcast, I gave a shoutout to BooBoo.Kitty2.0 for her oneshot Show Me. We were talking about fics that initiated us into our twific addiction, and I explained how the smut is what caught my attention initially. Show Me is one of the first oneshots I ever came across. Edward can't get as close to Bella as he'd like so he asks her to "show me" what she does when she thinks of him. But can Edward handle it when she turns the tables?

Show Me by BooBoo.Kitty2.0   

An entry for *A Twilight Teasing Story Contest* Bella comes into her room, fresh from the shower, wrapped in only a towel, to find Edward lounging on her bed instead of out hunting like he's supposed to be. Slightly OOC Edward, but not too much.

And finally, we come to an Edward who's domineering but not quite as OOC. In The List, LauraACullen builds the momentum of a couple who are exploring their boundaries. By Chapter 6, Edward is clearly more comfortable acting on his sexual desires. He is finding creative ways to get what he wants despite the limitations imposed by his vampire bloodlust.  

In Chapter 6, Unexpected, Edward returns from hunting to find a sleeping Bella who is clearly having a vivid erotic dream about him. When she awakens, Edward questions a blushing Bella, wanting her to reveal what exactly was happening in her dream. Here's an excerpt:

.......

"...And, um, then I asked you," I swallowed, "to touch me. And, oh, God, Edward," I shifted to rub my thighs together, "You did."

"Where did I touch you?"

"You…ran your hand down between my breasts to my stomach. Then you rubbed back up my side. When…when you palmed my breast it felt so good."

"Show me."

"What?"

"Show. Me." My panties were now so wet that the moisture had seeped onto my upper thighs.

"Oh God. Edward, I need you so much."

"Then show me." His voice was raspy and clipped. I had never heard it sound so commanding.

My left hand moved in response to Edward's words. Slowly I dragged my hand down the center of my torso, before running it back up to my breast and squeezing softly. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips.

"Harder, Bella. I would touch you harder."

.......

Gah! So much more hotness throughout that chapter.

I highly rec The List as a whole - it's a hot, fun, AU read with some classic twific moments.

The List by LauraACullen  

Four weeks before her wedding to Edward, Bella is frustrated. She knows there's little-to-no chance of getting him to bend his rules and boundaries now, but there's no harm in fantasizing about what could happen later. So she begins compiling a list...

If you can think of other instances of Show Me hotness, or if you just want to say hi, leave a comment! :)

HOTNESS Hall of Fame: SHOTGUNNING

Another installment of the HOTNESS Hall of Fame, brought to you by Althea's House of Smut.

This week's theme... shotgunning. In fic, in movies, in life, shotgunning is hot as fuck.

Shotgunning is when you are smoking and you want to share your smoke. One person inhales as another person exhales. It's a super intimate move. The sexiest thing about it... it's an innocuous gesture that is anything but.

I quit smoking a couple years ago, but there is one thing that gets me everytime: when I see sexy people smoking sexily on the big screen. It makes my mouth water and luckily, the non-smoking theater policy saves me from myself.

I saw The Runaways a few weeks ago and I am STILL drooling over the scene where Joan and Cherie makeout. It all starts when Joan-Kristen shotguns the smoke from her joint into Cherie-Dakota's mouth. I can't wait for that shit to come out on DVD so I can see it again. Why, because watching hot women shotgun a joint is hot as fuck. I'm sorry if you don't agree, but you are wrong.

As a shotgun connoisseur, I have chosen two particularly hot instances of shotgunning in twific: The Hood by YogaGal, and Emancipation Proclamation by kharizzmatik. I submit them to you as entries in this week's HOTNESS Hall of Fame, in the category of "innocuous gestures that become fuckhot gamechangers"

Sharing this category with foot massages and "accidental" crotch grazes, the shotgun is a non-move move. It combines close proximity and sensuality in a way that can be played-off should it be met with rejection. Watch Pulp Fiction's Jules and Vincent discuss what's so cool about foot massages. The total non-move move.

In chapter 1 of The Hood, my high school experience is expertly recreated in fic form, as Edward breaks the ice by offering to share a bowl with Bella. She sees it at first as a means to settle the tension, only to see the sexual tension ratcheted up a notch through Edward's shotgun technique. Oh, how I love you, Phish-playing Stonerward...


I sit down on the opposite end of the couch, trying to figure out just what to say. Instead of letting my nerves eat me up, I end up closing my eyes and listen to Edward play. His skillful fingers pick out a beautiful song, and soon I find myself humming along.


"If I could, I would, but I don't know how…"


The words and tune are simple, but they speak volumes. Edward riffs at the end, concluding the song beautifully, and I can't help staring at him. He stares right back and grins sheepishly. My cheeks flame up with heat, and soon the air grows way too thick between us. I lick my dry lips and am startled to see Edward slowly swallow, seemingly mesmerized. He breaks the moment first by holding up his pouch.


"Smoke?"


"Sure."


Because, why the hell not? At least, it's something we know we're good at and it's comfortable, familiar. This charged air between us certainly isn't, and it seems that neither of us knows what to do. Edward pulls out his plastic baggie of weed and starts to break off pieces to stuff in his pipe. He looks up, and I see him smirk, almost laughing to himself. I wonder what's so funny, but before I can ask, he pats the cushion next to him.


"Come closer," he says, his voice deep and slightly hoarse.


There's no way I can deny him, and before I even allow myself to think twice, I've scooted closer, my leg brushing up against his. He packs the weed down more and then holds the pipe up to his lips. They wrap around the glass, and I can't help staring at them. They're pink and moist, and I wonder what they taste like. The hiss of Edward's lighter breaks me from my thoughts, and I watch as he lights up, pulling a slow, long hit. He holds the smoke in his lungs for a moment before putting the pipe down on the table. I go to take it, but he fiercely shakes his head.


I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, and before I can figure out what's going on, Edward's hands cup my face and pull me towards him. His cool hands feel rough against my skin, and my mouth opens up, letting out a quiet gasp. Edwards takes the opportunity and closes the gap between us, his lips mere inches from mine. Leaning forward he presses his lips firmly against mine before opening his mouth slowly, exhaling the smoke into my mouth. It's a heady mixture of minty chapstick and skunky weed, and I'm startled for a second. I just sit there, not breathing, not blinking, not thinking.


"Breathe," Edward mumbles against my lips, so I do, inhaling the sweet smoke that just came from him. I hold it in my lungs long enough so that my chest tightens slight before I begrudgingly move slightly away from him, needing to exhale. The smoke billows out of my mouth and I watch it swirl past his face, only inches from mine.


"Thanks… I liked that. It was…" I struggle with the right word, before finally settling on one.


"…different."


Edward cocks an eyebrow at me and I rush to clarify.


"Different good, I mean."


"Different good," he echoes back to me and nods his head thoughtfully. "Yeah…"

The shotgun scene from Emancipation Proclamation is given to us in both Bella's then Edward's POV. Bella provides a wide-eyed account of the sensual experience. We then get to hear from Edward about the true intent behind sharing his J via shotgun.

From Emancipation Proclamation, Chapter 22 (BPOV):
He stood up and walked over to me. My heart started beating fast as he crouched down in front of me, face level with me. “This will relax you,” he said, smiling lightly and raising his eyebrows at me. “It’s marijuana, nothing crazy or anything, just a fucking plant. I wouldn’t give you anything that could hurt you. You wanna try?”

I just stared at him, slightly stunned by his proximity. His eyes were staring straight into mine, so close the green was practically hypnotizing me as they were swirling with emotion. It didn’t help that the fuzzy feeling inside of me had grown a bit from the alcohol.

I nodded hesitantly after a moment, a little nervous because I had no idea what I was doing. He smirked and must have sensed my apprehension. “I’ll make it easy on you,” he said. “Sit still and open your mouth and inhale what I give you, okay? When you inhale it just hold it as long as you can.”

I nodded. He brought the drug to his lips and sucked in deeply. I parted my lips and sat as still as I could, despite my anxiety. He moved his head forward toward me and my heart started racing fast as he cocked his head to the side. He paused when his lips were only about an inch from mine and started exhaling. I inhaled when he exhaled, the mixture of the smoke from his lungs and the intoxicating scent of his cologne entering my system. It clouded everything and I closed my eyes, holding it in my lungs. It burned a bit but I held it as long as I could before finally letting it go when I needed air. I exhaled slowly, opening my eyes. Edward was still in front of me but had moved his head back, his expression staggering. His stare was intense, almost burning through me.

He smiled lightly after a second, bringing the drug back to his lips and sucking in again. He leaned forward quickly, pausing with his lips close to mine and exhaled again. I sucked in his air and closed my eyes once more, holding it.

I felt my entire body tingling, an intense relaxed feeling taking over me. I finally exhaled again, opening my eyes. Edward smirked, still crouched in front of me.

From Emancipation Proclamation, Chapter 23 (EPOV):
I was quite a bit intoxicated and the weed had me relaxed. I couldn’t believe she’d actually been willing to drink the Everclear with me, as that shit was strong, and was even more fucking stunned that she hadn’t run for the hills or had a panic attack when I rolled the blunt. I knew she’d never done any of that before and Christ, I felt like a dickhead corrupting her. She was so innocent and pure, unlike anyone I’d ever met. Every thing was fresh and astonishing to her, and I loved the way her fucking eyes lit up when she was seeing or experiencing something new. And maybe it was selfish of me to want to get her fucked up and uninhibited, but I wanted to spend some time with her and get to know the real her and not that robotic version that had been roaming the house all goddamn week. I wanted her to be at ease with me and look at me like I was just another fucking person, an equal, and not someone above her like a master. I realized that was probably hard for her, to look at me like she was my equal, considering my father paid money for her. But she wasn’t a piece of property to me. She was just a girl, and a beautiful fucking girl at that, and I was just a boy who wanted to know her.

And I can’t lie; watching her inhale the smoke I’d exhaled was erotic. It felt like she was taking me into her system, inviting me in. A fucking part of me was inside of her, flowing through her. It was sensual and made my dick harder than I’d ever felt it before. It was throbbing and I tried to ignore the shit, not wanting to be indecent or scare her off. I had no idea how she felt about me, if she’d even ever want me like that. She was inexperienced and to be honest so was I.

Hotness abounds. As a nonsmoker, I may not be able to do shotguns anymore, but I sure fucking love reading about them. Damn.

What other moments in fic show someone attempting to make a non-move move? What other scenes in fic fall under the category of "innocuous gestures that turn into fuckhot gamechangers"  Show me whatcha got in my comments :)

HOTNESS Hall of Fame

In 'My Recommendations' I have pulled together some of my all-time favorite lemon-filled stories. But this post is dedicated to those special scenes, those shots of lemony goodness, that rise above and remain memorable for their sheer HOTNESS. This list continues to grow.

UST comes to a head
The Blessing & The Curse, Ch 15
The Lost Boys, Ch 20
Aro's Heir, Ch 11


virgin Bella gets her O
The Caged Bird, Ch 16
Emancipation Proclamation, Ch 32

doesn't have to be sex to be HOT AS HELL
How to Save a Life, Ch 17
(boiler room=bounty of riches)


Bright Like the Sun, Ch 17
(how is hand holding so hot?)


Tropic of Virgo, Ch 8
(piano bench)

just... gah!!!
Grasping Darkness Ch 1 was originally a o/s


Reality Minus Expectations, Ch 10


Breaking Trinity, Ch 10 (whattup primal attraction)


Closer, Ch 20 The spontaneous photo session in the cabana, fer fucks sake. Perhaps needs its own category: Fun with Props.


Voice For Me, Ch 20 bass pumpin speakers can be mighty vibratey!! I'll definitely need a Fun with Props category now.

Lemons that are in the 'Show Me' vein of hotness:

The List, Ch 6

Surprises o/s by KatieBelleCullen

Show Me o/s by booboo.kitty2.0


>>> check out my HOTNESS Hall of Fame feature on this 'Show Me" brand of lemony goodness!

music does a body good

You Get Me Closer to God, Ch 16
"Happiness is a Warm Gun, momma"

I Love L.A.
(Prodigy, obvs)


all of Tropic of Virgo - 
the poetry, the lyrics, the band, but especially:
The Rosalie-Bella Zeppelin showdown, Ch 7
Hotter than any lemon -- piano bench, Ch 8

The List, Ch 11

Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata


>>> check out my HOTNESS Hall of Fame post featuring these ridiculously hot examples of music in fic!

hottest wank


Choice & Consequences, Ch 15
There are 2 things standing between Edward & Bella: a wall of resentment and a shower door. She doesn't want to give in but can't help how her body reacts. This one's a scorcher.


unconventional lemons

Master of the Universe, Ch 32

Don't roll your eyes. Or, roll your eyes and see what happens.

Renfield and Chiclets -- Geekward in the office, Domward in the bedroom

Ch 3  E deliberates whether or not B would enjoy being tied up for Christmas. And, spoiler alert, she does.

Ch 8  "This particular position was maddeningly salacious." 

uh, yeah it is. 

Alphabet Weekends, Ch 7

R is for Reciprocation & Rope

hottest TURN scenes
Choice & Consequences, Ch 3
Bella has no idea what she's signing on for when she promises to love Edward forever.


Daedalus in Exile, Ch 20
Hottest frickin TURN scene out there, but do yourself a favor and read the whole fic leading up to this bad boy. Trust.

SPECIAL MENTIONS for above and beyond hotness

Stranger than Fiction 
Ch 13 (taste) and Ch 16 (E gives B an O)

extreme UST leads to extreme hotness

Becoming Bella Swan, Ch 5 & Ch 6

a 1-2-punch of dirty talking filthiness and wanking hottness.

What scenes are missing from this list of hotness? Please do share. Let me know in comments!