Extracurricular: DeviantArt

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Goodbye, I love you
by ~rurouni-jedi
http://fav.me/d1qoxqn

One only soul
by *nami86

1949
by *nami86

I love myself
by *nami86
http://fav.me/d230k0u

Our Lives Unbound, by theladyingrey42

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6046442/1/

I have fallen in love with this fic. I wish it had a banner to draw people in but my enthusiasm alone will have to do.

Official Description: My mind is trapped in circles, my loneliness pressing in. Unable to speak, I reach for her spark. In her eyes, I find my partner. In her command, I find my freedom. Together, we open our lives to something more. AU/AH, D/s, male sub.

I just read the Chapter 8 update of Our Lives Unbound and it has become clear that this BDSM fic is different. I didn't even realize what has been missing from the BDSM that I've read. With this last lemon, theladyingrey42 nailed it with the real emotion and connection between Edward and Bella.

She gets into Edward's head and taps into his experience of his desire to be controlled. She takes you into the moment and Edward becomes this real person with real feelings of shame and confusion about what he's feeling. Throughout the story she has given us glimpses into his life where you can feel the loneliness that characterized his day-to-day before meeting Bella.

And Bella is a real person who doesn't just take on a dominant persona. She's playing but it seems to come from this place of deep concern and love. She seems to understand how deep his desires run and she wants to support him as he's letting himself go there. And she is even more realistic in her inexperience and self doubt. But she has this genuine desire to express this part of herself that she's been trying to repress in attempting to be normal. In my review for Chapter 8 it is clear how taken aback I was by this chapter. I believe the gist is:

holy. sh|t.
*standing ovation*
Seriously, my new favorite lemon and BY FAR the best BDSM lemon I've read in Twific.

. . . Looking back on July

Soundtrack for this post:


Blur. July went by in a haze. Blur... haze... Jimi.


Here's some of what I read  and loved in July:

Osa Bella, by Myg
Official Description: Bella is a school counselor, but Edward is posing as a student. Will Edward convince Bella to defy her head and follow her heart? Or will Bella conquer her desire and do what she believes is right?

• I wrote a review for Osa Bella on this blog, Althea Jams & Blogs
• I pimped the hell out of Osa Bella for the 60 Second Pimpdown on Episode 3 of Fic Pushin' Podcast, Ain't Nothin But a Reader Thang

Under the Apple Tree, by danieller123
Official Description: Love that hurts can sometimes heal. Ever wish you could go back and change something you did in life? Bella does. E x B, AH 

Wide Awake, by AngstGoddess003 (complete)

Official Description: Edward and Bella have dark pasts that leave them severely emotionally scarred, with nightmares that force them to stay awake. They meet and begin to form a bond during the night hours. AH, Highly OOC, Rated M for dark themes. No rape, no cutting. BxE

Ethan Church, by Dryler (complete)
Official Description: After receiving an invitation to write the biography of the severely reclusive author Ethan Church, Bella develops a reluctant obsession with his novels and by extension him. When she accepts his offer, the old, dying man she's presented with and the young, too perfect man she comes across on the nearly empty estate have her convinced she's missing some very important parts of the story.

Last Tango in Forks, by AwesomeSauce76
Official Description: Bella Swan has spent a lifetime putting everyone else's needs before her own. Could a chance encounter with a mysterious stranger begin to change all of that? AU/AH


Our Lives Unbound, by theladyingrey42
Official Description: My mind is trapped in circles, my loneliness pressing in. Unable to speak, I reach for her spark. In her eyes, I find my partner. In her command, I find my freedom. Together, we open our lives to something more. AU/AH, D/s, male sub.


Here's some of what I wrote in July:

I wrote a featured post "Are we just waiting to tear Rob apart?"
Here's the summary: We love to build up celebrities just to tear them down. It's a culture of meanness that seems to have trouble differentiating between snark, which is funny, and hate, which is lame. When hating on a celebrity for sport, "insert Rob here" and see if it's still funny. Cuz unfortunately, as it goes with celebrity, it's just a matter of time until it is Rob who's a punchline to that joke.

I wrote a Friday Fic Fit review of Surrendered by EvieKinz for the Twific Pimps blog.

Are you down with a bit of D/s in your fic? Me too. Read on...

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It's My Blog and I'll Cry if I Want To

Do any of you read Just Wait? Holy shit this is the most angst to ever rear its head in fic. I'm gonna try to ride out this angst the only way I know how... by writing about it. (see my review from the heartfail chapter of How to Save a Life) 


About this post: Read it. Don't read it. But it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to :P

oh. spoiler alert.

The angst in Just Wait is not like it is in How to Save a Life where it's situational angst: unfortunate accidents/events take place and the characters have to cope. HtSaL is pretty rough in its own right because throughout the course of the story, you just keep getting hit in the face with one angsty circumstance after another.

It's more of a cross between Wide Awake and Master of the Universe where the characters clearly exhibit abnormal & unhealthy behavior in the present as a result of past events. 

In Wide Awake both Bella and Edward had faced horrible circumstances (B going thru Phil's month long home invasion, the fire that killed Edward's dad and resulted in him being tossed out by his mom), which causes B & E to internalize that angst which then manifests as behavioral/psychological issues.

In Just Wait the story begins similarly with a broken Bella and a broken Edward. But they are very different stories. As JW progresses, we slowly unravel the mysteries of how they got to be the way they are. We watch their self-discovery in therapy and as they grow together, revealing themselves within their relationship. This has been what I love SO MUCH about this story. Though they do find great comfort in each other, their relationship is less of a codependent relationship than in Wide Awake. 

In Wide Awake they physically needed each other in order to maintain and work through to a sense of normalcy. It becomes this false sense of recovery that is really just the recovery of their relationship. A bandaid that makes them feel good but does nothing to heal the ways in which they are damaged individuals. I loved how AngstGoddess addresses this in the Epilogue where it becomes so clear that their love cannot keep Edward from unraveling.

In JW the whole story addresses this process of survival and growth. The characters are being pushed to confront the demons of the past, which they have clearly internalized and continue to echo through their unhealthy behavior in the present (this is what I focus on in my first Just Wait review). 

Edward and Bella find in each other a friend who lets them be themselves (despite how weird they might appear to others). As this relationship grows, they both want to know the other person as much as they secretly want to be known by the other person.

This requires them to reveal pieces of themselves that have been locked away. The shelter of their relationship becomes a safe haven where they are given the freedom to explore their issues without judgement, but rather the support of someone who knows where they are coming from. It's that trust and support that defines their relationship, not dependency. The normalcy of being dependent upon one another as boyfriend and girlfriend becomes an opportunity for growth, as opposed to the characters of Wide Awake who became stunted by one another. 

Another way in which it is different from Wide Awake comes from the nature of the past that traumatized them. Whereas Wide Awake's B&E are defined by traumatic events that they've then internalized, the Just Wait B&E suffer from long term twisted abuse at the hands of those who were supposed to be taking care of them and loving them. In that sense it's more like the Edward of MotU. 

MotU and JW are significantly different stories, but I suppose I was expecting the abusive situation in Just Wait to be treated much as it is in MotU. I couldn't imagine that Just Wait could delve into a situation that would be worse than the abuse suffered by Fifty Shades: his mother was a hooker whose pimp put cigarettes out on his body until he was found at the age of 4?? with his mother who had been dead for 4 days. I was very naive. 

These are some of the ways in which Just Wait is WAY MORE ANGSTY than MotU or any other fic I've read:

• In JW, we are brought into the head of Bella and Edward as they recall events from their terrible past.
• The abusers are developed as characters with names and storylines. (as opposed to nameless pimp badguy)
• The abuse was not just, dude got drunk and got violent. The abusers in JW are sick sick fucks who inflicted physical harm as an extension of their long term psychological torture. Bad parenting, if you will. 
• JW follows the characters as they attempt to understand what happened to them and thus touch on the big question behind a lot of angst premises: How the hell can a person perpertrate this kind of abuse on a little, helpless child? And as more and more of Bella's mother and Edward's family is revealed, we are witness to just how sick and twisted humans have the capacity to be. thanks, IKG! lol

I have been hooked on this story since Chapter 1. As it has unfolded I have become fascinated and invested in these amazing characters. Driving this story of healing is the mystery behind what could have happened to these people to make them so broken. The deeper I got into their stories, the more I realized how dark it was going to get. I was and still am in way too deep with this story to stop reading, but for the last 5-10 chapters I've been in a situation of wanting to find out but not wanting to know. This most recent chapter falls in line with where she has been taking the story, and I'm realizing now that somewhere I knew the reveal was going to be something like this, but I was not prepared for how disturbing and sad it was to read it. But I can deal and will continue reading. 

I can deal and will continue reading because I know the kind of shit I was signing on for when I started, IKG articulates it quite clearly in the form of a warning at the top of every chapter. 

I can deal and will continue reading because I LOVE these characters, their story and their unique relationship. And because I love IKG's writing and I trust her to pull me through the depths of this. 

I can deal and will continue to read. Especially because after going through that, I am damn well going to stick it through to my happy ending. lol or in the case with this fic, an ending that doesn't necessarily involve everyone being healed, but an ending that resolves with some sense of hope and happiness in the characters' futures. 

Ok, I'm feeling a tiny bit better. I have pinpointed what it is about this angst fic that has got me so worked up. But sorting all that out reminded me that there are so many ways in which this story is unique and fulfilling. I think I can push through this angst. See y'all at the next chapter. And thanks IKG for such an amazing, heartbreaking story.

Artwork by Hannah Dora

Are we just waiting to tear Rob apart?

We love to build up celebrities just to tear them down. It's a culture of meanness that seems to have trouble differentiating between snark, which is funny, and hate, which is lame. When hating on a celebrity for sport, "insert Rob here" and see if it's still funny. Cuz unfortunately, as it goes with celebrity, it's just a matter of time until it is Rob who's a punchline to that joke.


Rob, Meet Your Future

I was just spending my lovely Saturday morning catching up on The Daily Show by watching clips online. You can watch segments from any episode going back to at least 2003, if not further.

Anyway, one link led me to another and I landed on an old interview with Ben Affleck (I don't even remember how I got there). He was so cute and funny. He had smart things to say and I enjoyed watching him go back and forth with Jon.

Here he is in February 2003

Ben Affleck is surprised the MTV viewers didn't get layered satire.

I had forgotten how insane the media went over Ben's relationship with Jennifer Lopez. I don't know how I forgot, being that "Bennifer" was thrust into my face constantly by every possible media outlet at the time. This is from the same year, still at the height of his notoriety:

Here he is in December 2003

Ben Affleck is surprised his relationship with J.Lo is such a big story.

This got me thinking about Rob (it does seem all roads lead there) and how he'll be changed over the years due to the media blitz that is his life. Will he suffer the same fate as Ben, going from the pinnacle of stardom to becoming a cautionary tale? 

Here is Ben in September 2006, after hiding out for a couple of years under the radar. Literally in hiding. He still gives a great interview but he seems way more reserved and guarded and perhaps a bit dead in the eyes. There are a million different reasons why his demeanor might be different. Maybe he's become more of a reserved adult in the almost 3 years since the previous interview. Maybe he's having an off night. But to some extent it's obvious he's been beaten down by the overexposure and gossip-constructed controversies that caused him to go into hiding in the first place.

I'm not some huge Ben Affleck fan but he seems like a nice-enough guy who didn't deserve to be torn apart by the media. He seems to be in a better place now than he was in 2006, but it was interesting to see a before and after of sorts.

We Take Part in the Game

Ben's a prime example of the whole building someone up just to tear them down for sport. I understand that the thirst for blood of the media machine is a given. But it's sad that that has become an expected part of our public pop cultural discourse. It's like we're all sitting around watching Lindsey Lohan's life unravel before our eyes like an E! True Hollywood Story in real time. And everybody has something to say about it. It's not just the late-night talkshow hosts cracking jokes anymore. It's no longer just the gossip mags jumping on a story.

Twitter and blogs have given a public forum to anyone who has access to a computer. Social media has made public opinion tangible. Ordinary individuals are empowered to articulate their point of view and have their voice heard by people all over the world. In our communities of use we spur each other on to act in ways we'd never be able to in real life.

These can be wonderful life-enhancing developments. For example, never in my real life have I found an opportunity to invoke the word "bewbgropes" yet I've lost count of the number of times I've used it on Twitter. I've got the stellar women in my circles of Twific friends to thank for expanding my horizons. This is one of countless delightful examples of the behaviors that are not only supported but encouraged in my online interactions. I love being surrounded by like-minded pervy women who enjoy playing around like I do. But sometimes this phenomenon gets weird. Circles of people can sometimes egg each other on, doing/saying uncool things in the name of having fun.

Do You Take Part in the Culture of Mean?

There's a sense of vulture-like meanness that's pervasive in our culture. A giddy thrill of skewering public figures. I know I'm going to come across as some Pollyanna, we should all just hold hands and be friends, kind of gal. But I ain't got no high horse - I notice myself getting caught up in it too. But there are instances when it goes to far. Sometimes it goes from being snarky fun to weird rage. Here's an example:

Rob was a guest on Leno and the other guest was Emma Roberts who said she was Team Jacob. Rob said something in the moment like: Well, you've just confirmed that you have no taste. Twitter immediately blew up with all of these people tearing Emma Roberts apart. It was disgusting. I saw a ton of tweets flying by that directly addressed her like, "OMG I fucking hate @EmmaRoberts" or whatever her handle is. I was practically shouting at my screen: Dude, you know she can see that, right? That you're basically saying that to her face.

This was all up in my timeline, and people were retweeting retweets of horrible things and being like, "Yeah!" Things like "Rob should knock her ass down" and "Bitch has an attitude that needs a punch in the face." ALL BECAUSE SHE SAID SHE WAS TEAM JACOB. It was a weird, scary-ass display of mob mentality. And some of these women have kids (I don't but I fear for our collective future). At one point I was just going down my timeline clicking unfollow unfollow unfollow. I could not believe the hatred that her one statement stirred in people. Whether or not they were being serious in their anger, they were still spewing it forth into the world, sometimes directly at that poor girl.

It can get gross and ugly and when it shows up in my Twitter timeline it can become disturbing. I want people to feel free to say and do whatever they want. That's what having an online persona is all about for me: exercising my right to speak and reveling in the freedom I feel doing it. And with Twitter there's the great "unfollow" option which gives me the right to not have to listen to someone else's speech. But just because I unfollow and erase their negativity from my Twitter universe, doesn't mean their behavior goes away. And just as they're entitled to say what they'd like, I'm entitled to point it out and say, dude, that's so uncool.

In conclusion

Rob is so hot right now. But as the way of every hot actor who has ever been in their 20s, he won't always be the "it" guy. The media is circling like vultures in the sky just waiting for some scandal or some slip up that will cause him to stumble. When they finally smell blood and go in for the kill, is your voice gonna be one of the crowd of people that is spewing negativity in his general direction? If Rob develops a drug problem like Lindsey, will you be one of the people cheering as he's sentenced to prison? If he's quoted as using the wrong word like Kristen, are you going to accuse him of being a fundamentally bad person? Bring the snark, not the hate.

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Osa Bella by Myg

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6038733/1/Osa_Bella

Official Description: Bella is a school counselor, but Edward is posing as a student. Will Edward convince Bella to defy her head and follow her heart? Or will Bella conquer her desire and do what she believes is right?

After the death of her husband, Bella moved to Forks. Every day seems like a valiant effort to move on with her life, beating back the sadness with a whip and a chair. All she wants is to love and feel connected, and then she meets Edward, a student, who makes her feel all the things she's been longing to feel. Except she is his guidance counselor, and feeling that way about him is totally forbidden.  

Check out this quote: "There was the thrill of being close to him, but also the comfort of being with someone you'd known forever. And I very much hated feeling that way around him, because it was a feeling I desperately wanted to have with someone. Just not him."

Gah! This plays against the other men in her life, one who looks perfect for her on paper, and the other, Jacob, whose friendship with Bella is a bit of a role reversal from canon. And then there's all the intrigue behind those weird-ass Cullen kids and the curious spike in the local bear population. And I'm fascinated by a new vampire that's thrown into the mix, Mercy.

I'm a big fan of the way Myg writes this Bella. Being inside Bella's head should be so sad but it's not! She's got this strength and humor. And I do love when Bella is a grown-woman with life experience. And god bless Myg for her slightly OOC Edward who's not ashamed of his libido. It seems Edward has had some life experience himself ;)

The story of Osa Bella is rich with intrigue and a bit of mythology. It has an interesting Bella and an Edward who is temptation on legs. Werewolves, and vampires, and bears, oh my!

. . . Looking back on June

Soundtrack for this post:


As Fandom Gives Back wraps up, I take my monthly look back at what I read, what I wrote, and what went on in the fandom. Yet again Twilight fans stepped up with big hearts and deep pockets. I am most proud of how the Twific community played such a huge part in making this happen. The writers, the bidders, the moderators. Go team! Rah rah rah!

In May, I wrote a bunch of features for this blog that I'm pretty proud of. Check 'em out if you like. However, in June I renewed my commitment to reading fanfic. Faque work. As a result, I was treated to some great great shit, a few of which are new favorites of mine. I love that part at the beginning of a love affair.

I got a bunch of recs from the TwificPimps website. We ask readers/listeners to "Pimp A Fic" or send in a rec, and then every week one of us chooses one that we've loved from the list and reviews it for our Friday Fic Fit. So a bunch of fics I read came from those recs from our readers.

Maybe, by 107yearoldvirgin (complete)
Official Description: Can Bella survive her assignment at SXSW when lust and infatuation combust in 19 days? Almost Famous meets Twilight with a dose of KoL and Edward behind the drums. AH/AU Lemons - like you didn't know.

Closer, by teambella23 (complete)
Official Description: He grabs my face, slamming my back against the wall. "YOU ARE MINE BELLA" Edward seeths with anger. "PROVE IT THEN." He pulls back on my face. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?" "I SAID FUCKING MAKE ME YOURS." A cocky Edward, confidant Bella. AH cannon pairings, OOC.

Of the twificpimps, I seem to be the one who enjoys BDSM fic, so I tried out 2 from our list and enjoyed them both. They are both a dominant Bella, which I was PSYCHED about.

Sub Plans, by SnowWhiteHeart has the added fascinating twist of being vamp AU!
Official Description: Bella is a math teacher by day, a strict Domme by night. Edward is a sub looking for someone to punish him for his misdeeds. Probably the only BDSM comedy you will ever read. Probably the only vamp-subward you'll ever meet.

Surrendered, by eviekinz
Official Description: Most of my pleasure comes from controlling them, not f**king them. Edward Cullen should be no exception to this rule. And yet, I can't stop thinking about him." Will Bella get control over Edward? Will Edward submit to her desires? D/S  


 -----> I also reviewed Surrendered for a Friday Fic Fit for the TwificPimps blog

A couple stories I came across because there were teams formed on their behalf for Fandom Gives Back. I figured that if people loved it enough to form a team, chances are that it's at least a good read.

Relative Wind, by mac214 (complete)
DILFward. Skydiving, feckin backroom ballin, DILFward.
Official Description: The Mougar cometh! A steamy day at the drop zone turns into more than Bella bargains for when she meets her new roommate's father. A tale of May-December relationships, father-daughter dynamics, and the happiest hooha in Philadelphia. Very citrusy. AH.

Art School Confidential, by farkle
Official Description: Bella finds her artistic muse and total embarrassment in person of life model Edward. How can she get him to model for her when he thinks she is a sex-crazed flake? AU-AH, M for nudity, language, lemons. Canon pairings. 

I got my 2 favorite stories of the month off of The Fictionators PWN of the Week list which has lots of fics at their "indie" stage, along with more well known ones. I've found it's hit and miss, but always a great source.

A Form of Escapism, by Flubbles
Official Description: Bella finds herself trapped in a loveless marriage, whilst going through the motions of everyday life. Her only form of escapism is the romance novels written by the recently retired, reclusive author E.A.M Cullen.

The Cullen Campaign, by belladonna1472
Official Description: Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan both have parents who are powerful on Capitol Hill. Problem is, their families are political enemies. What happens when Democrat!Edward and Republican!Bella bump into each other at Union Station in D.C.? AU/AH. ExB


 -----> Here is the review I wrote for Althea Jams & Blogs

 -----> I also pimped the hell out of The Cullen Campaign on the 60 Second Pimpdown on Episode 2 of the Fic Pushin' Podcast, Rosalie: The Icequeen Cometh

Finally, June was the month of Fandom Gives Back. I won't go into details about my auctions, you can read all about that in my FGB: Eclipse Edition post.
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