HOTNESS Hall of Fame: I Shouldn't Find This So Hot

This edition of the HOTNESS Hall of Fame is dedicated to those lemons that make me feel dirty. 

I thought of this category after reading Wide Awake by AngstGoddess003. I felt strange for being so turned on by the epic angry lemon in Chapter 43. You know, the one that creates the fallout angst that drives Edward and Bella apart. I'm reading this lemon thinking, I should NOT be finding this so ridiculously hot: Edward is hallucinating for godsakes and Bella is channeling her captor Phil. But fuck me. It's one of the hottest (and saddest) lemons out there.

Part of it has got to be the forbidden nature of how I'm definitely not supposed to find hotness within two people's mental breakdowns. But there is also the emotional intensity and tumult that is driven by the characters' confusion. These characters are losing control and channeling the emotional into the physical. HOT-NESS.

Today I will be highlighting two other lemons of the "I shouldn't find this so hot" variety. The first one showcases the crazy intensity and possessiveness of the Bella and Edward of teambella23's Closer. The second example is an excerpt from Savage's Hide and Drink where Edward loses control and almost kills Bella in his frenzy (which I feel entirely dirty for finding so hot).

Closer by TeamBella23

Chapter 21

It's savage and animalistic. They're really trying to physically hurt each other. It's all fueled by the sick (and hot) need they have to provoke one another. These are some of the reasons I should be disturbed by this lemon, but are also the reasons I find this lemon so ridiculously carnal and hot.

To get the full effect, I suggest reading the whole 2nd half of this enormously long chapter 21. I suggest at least starting here to get the gist of their crazy-possessive relationship: 

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I point in Edwards's direction at the bar. "You see that guy at the bar; he's my boyfriend who wouldn't appreciate seeing you touch me like that."


This only causes the guy to laugh louder; he doesn't even look over at the bar.


I was technically lying about Edward being my boyfriend but I need this guy to get the hint….he didn't. He is looking straight at my chest, putting his finger underneath my chosen pendant.


"Did he get you this?" He lets it drop back onto my chest.


I am about to scream rape but Alice saves me first. "Bella who's your friend?" Alice gives the guy an intimidating smile. He finally takes the hint; He puts his hands up in surrendering motion and heads backwards towards his friends.


"Thank you Alice that guy was a weirdo."


"Yeah Bella, well Edward isn't too happy that you were dancing with him."


"But I wasn't…." I look over where Edward is, he is starring daggers into me with his eyes. That bitch Amanda is standing next to him, Edward leans over and says something to her….the fire in me lights, and only gets worse when he turns his back towards me to take another shot.

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But to whet your appetite, here is a taste of the actual lemon:

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Edward continuously slams me against the wall, it should hurt but I just laughed... His grip on my face doesn't even hurt, the adrenaline and emotion coursing through my veins void everything but the pleasure I get out of fighting with him like this.


I can't believe I forgot how invigoration this is.


"Does it make you mad to know you'll never fuck me Edward? We will never get this right…never had a chance." I continue to say things I don't mean….I want to hurt him, make him suffer because we have some sick fucking glitch in our heads that makes this fun for us.


His eyes turn black, literally scaring the shit out of me "YOU ARE MINE BELLA. " He seethes with anger.


I'm excited….this possessiveness and neediness to claim me enlightens a fire inside of my soul… "PROVE IT THEN."


He pulls his hand back on my face. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?" he asks not quiet trusting what he heard.


This craving I have for him is pooling between my legs. "I SAID FUCKING MAKE ME YOURS." I scream and push him again and again until he is up against opposite wall. "You want me Edward, take me." I push my pointer finger up; under his chin making him look at me…I nearly fucking lose it when I see the lust in his eyes.


Edward shakes his head back and forth pulling on his hair. We are both out of our minds, a million times worse than we have ever been. This is us, that crazy part of our brains screaming at us that we have to own the other. Edward and I are in love with each other but right now the only functioning part of us is being overtaken by the obsession, the raw, bleeding need.


"I not yours Edward if you don't make me, quit being a fucking pussy and do it already." I flick my finger off of his chin and move myself closer to him. The warmth coming off of his body is enticing….mouth watering.


His eyes shoot up to mine. He walks against me, giving me no other choice than to walk backwards until I am the one against the wall.


"Shut the fuck up Bella." His harsh words skim my face but affect nothing but the ache in my sex.


Unconsciously, I laugh at him. I have no control over my actions anymore. I am hurting so badly inside but my judgment is cloudy. Edward groans in anger then begins to punch the wall right beside my head over and over and over until I hear the wall break through.
I don't flinch as his fist whooshes past my head. I feel the dry wall fall onto my shoulder in my craziness I laugh at him louder. Edwards's eyes are pitch black, he is breathing through his teeth.


He thinks he is the only one hurting here? Stupid, selfish asshole my fucking heart is bleeding out.


I grab him by his hair and pull until we were face to face, he clutches my free wrist and pins my arms to the wall so I can't hit him. I feel my nails digging into his scalp, my arm is going numb from the lack of circulation but I don't let go of the grip I have on his hair. 


Edward consumes me, every fiber of my being is screaming for me to never let him go even if I am pulling the hair out of his head. It is some fucking animalistic need, I want to hurt him and I wanted to love him all at the same time…..when did I get tarnished to believe that love is supposed to physically hurt?


Digging my fingers in deeper, I pull and scream on the top of my lungs. My body is going to fucking explode, I can hear my heart beating in my ears and I am so overwhelmed that I let go of his hair and slapped him again.


I scream….scream at nothing, just fucking scream like a raging lunatic while I hurt the person I love more than my life.


Edward takes everything I give him, he pushes me back or holds my arms back but never hits me and I wanted it. So I keep hitting him and scratching at him, filtering out all of my frustration out on him. I am crying, yelling, losing my fucking mind….I feel like a mad person, a psychopath. I hurt him over and over.


Until he finally breaks….


He seizes my face. "You fucking want it Bella, is that what this is all about?" He is unrecognizable….


"Fuck you Edward." I pull my face from him but he takes it back.


"You better be sure you want to be mine baby because I am about to fucking do it." 
Edward is looking at me with a mocking stare. I reach under my skirt and pull down my panties; I stepped out of them and kicked them to the side all with my face in his tight grip...


"You don't have the fucking balls." I spit, begging with my eyes for him to just do it.


His laughs sends chills down my spine, he pushes my head against the wall…it hurts. I groan instead of gasp…I won't let him know this hurts, not if I am finally about to get him to fuck me.


Edward lets go of my face, reaches behind me lifting me by the back of my thighs. His fingers dig into my skin making me whimper from the pain. My legs instinctively wrap themselves around his waist. He reaches down between to unbuckle his pants, looking me straight in the eyes.


"You're mine Bella, don't ever fucking think different." the sound of his zipper puts my body in over drive, I squirm against his hand that lightly brushes against me…not on purpose, but I take advantage.


"I'm not yours until you make me." I weave my hands in the hair on the back on his head and pull.


I feel when he finally gets himself free from his pants and before I had a chance to think he slams himself inside of me.


We both scream out in both pain and pleasure.


Pain because the spikes on his belt are stabbing into my inner thighs every time he thrust forward, and pain because his hands were digging into my thighs and pain because this is not how this is supposed to happen, but there is pleasure because somewhere in the back of my mind, behind all this bull shit I love him.


"Say it Bella, tell me your mine." He is breathless…


"FUCK YOU." I tell him in his face.


He is slamming hard into me, and every time he did his belt digs in deeper. Our breaths and cries fill the hallway. I have never felt so good and so bad before in my life. I both hate and love him. I am fucking disgusted with myself but this is what I wanted. For him to lay his claim, for me to mark my territory, it is fucking sick.


"Come on Edward you can do better than this." my head falls forward against his shoulder; I quickly lift it not wanting to give up yet.


His grip on my hips becomes tighter as he crashes my hips down on to his pelvis. I feel every inch of him sliding in and out of me. The sensation takes over all of my senses and soon the pain from his belt dragging up and down my thighs disappears, leaving only the feeling of him.


Edward fills me and I am complete even in this fucked up moment. The sound of my skin slapping on his only makes me more excited. Everything he has done to me before now didn't even compare. He's breathing in my neck and his voice saying 'MINE' over and over only makes me want more. My body is on fire and I can't get enough…

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Hide and Drink by Savage

Chapter 31, Mope and Hope

There's not much to say about this besides, How hot is an Edward who is so overcome that he loses his hold on his control and just takes what he wants? I don't think I'm alone in finding that hot. But it also doesn't keep me from feeling guilty for finding it hot. Given the circumstances and all. See for yourself:

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The feeding frenzy is nearly impossible to describe, even to another vampire who would have experienced it.  Vision doesn’t fade, but it changes – focuses and narrows until there is only one thing visible – the target and its blood.  Hearing and smell follow – focusing on the meal, but also keeping tabs on anything that might interfere or try to steal the kill.  There is no true conscious thought, nothing that thinks what the consequences of the action may be or considers any possible regrets.  Instinct takes over – completely and totally.

The monster’s name is instinct.  Vampire instinct at its highest and most finely tuned.  He can be uncontrollable.  As a newborn, Carlisle taught me how to fight it, but he couldn’t have taught me how to fight this.  This was no ordinary target and this was no ordinary blood.  This was sanity.  This was life. This was existence.  This was addiction.  This was salvation.  This was mania.  This was ecstasy.

This was love.

Between the smell of her blood at her throat, the incredible thirst, the monster’s insistence, and the feel of her internal warmth wrapped around me most intimately, I was almost completely lost.

Almost.

I snarled, barely fighting my way back to conscious actions.  One hand reached out and grabbed the buzzing piece of electronic nonsense off the nightstand and pulverized it.  My thoughts narrowed and focused…her blood.  I needed her blood. 

Do not bite!

I couldn’t convince my fingers to release her hair, so the hand that destroyed the phone traced slowly up her side, under her arm and next to her breast before my fingers softly caressed the skin at her neck, right at the throbbing artery underneath while the monster screamed from the little post to which he was tethered.  The rope looked very thin and fragile, and I didn’t know if I could hold him back enough not to kill her.

Kill my Bella.

The thought played around in my head while I watched my body act.  Visions of the cabin we recently abandoned and Bella crying underneath me invaded my skull as the nail of my thumb cut through her skin and the arterial tissue beneath.

The tether broke, and the monster fed while I screamed at him to stop.

I was no longer making love to her – I was fucking her while her blood poured down my throat.  My fingers reached down and gripped her hip, pulling her against me with every thrust.  The sound of her heart’s rapid beating was all I could hear.  I could no longer discern the tightrope-thin line separating me from the vile, horrid creature set loose the previous January.  With every thrust, I sucked her blood into my body, groaning against the skin of her throat.  I pulled out, almost all the way, and slammed back into her, never breaking the rhythm.  I could barely hear her moaning underneath me.

“Edward…Edward, please…you have to stop.  Protect me, sweetheart.  Edward…Edward…I love you, Edward…”

Protect.

Bella said I was her protector.  I felt my hips collide with hers again, burying me inside of her before pulling out and diving into her again.  Blood coated my tongue in another wave of ecstasy.  I was killing her.  I was going to kill her.

Protect.

Protector.

Protect her.

I felt my arms coil around her back and pull her closer to my chest.  With a grunt, my release came, coating her and claiming her and filling her as the sensations trembled through my skin.  My tongue lapped at her neck, sealing the mark with venom and closing the wound.  I felt every muscle shudder against her, and I collapsed onto her body. 

Deep, heavy breaths pulled air into my lungs, and I tucked my forehead against her shoulder, as if I could hide from what I had done.  I couldn’t speak, and I couldn’t move.  I held my beloved against my chest and kept my eyes closed, terrified of what I might see if I opened them. 

I always told her I was going to kill her someday.  Was that day today?

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